I Dus Loves My Chow Chows

I dus loves my Chow Chows

But manners dey haves few,

For wen you calls their names

Dey will turn away from you!

Dats rood Chow Chows!

I dus loves my Chow Chows

But I have to tell de troof,

If dey is being moody, 

Dey dus be aloof!

Dats also rood Chow Chows!

I dus loves my Chow Chows

But sumtimes wen we play,

Harf way through a citing game

Dey dus walks away!

I dus loves my Chow Chows

Deys never in a rush,

But if I'm in their way,

Dey dus shove and push!

Chow Chows never say 'excuse me'.

I dus loves my Chow Chows

Dey dus makes gud frends,

But wen dey dus be rood,

It drives me rownd de bends!

It dus!

I dus loves my Chow Chows,

Speshully wen we shares,

And wen we dus do cuddles,

It's like nuggling teddy bears.

I dus loves my Chow Chows!

I Want To Believe That I Will Live On

I want to believe that I will live on

Beyond the years ov my life,

But a wise old Chow Chow did telled me once,

That it's I who will cause her strife.

It is I who will cross the Rainbow Bridge

And enter the Happy Hunting Grownd,

And I will not live beyond her years,

One day, it is I who will not be around.

Sumtimes I look rite into her face

And into her haunted eyes,

And I see all the time and all the space

That's echoing her heartbroken cries,

And I dare not tell her wot I know,

For fear ov braking her heart,

But first it's I that's the one to go,

And I know that will tear her apart.

So I pray to St. Francis she's not aware

Ov the wisdom that I dus hold,

Don't let her know that I won't be there

Wen her time dus makes her old.

It is a fact we age before time,

But the time is wot hoomans made,

I forever will be in my prime,

I have nuffing to fear or evade!

So wen that time dus comes around,

St. Francis, please hold her paw,

Wen I'm settled in the Happy Hunting Grownd,

Let her know the 'Four Paw Lore':

The greatest love is love that goes on,

Not measured by time or space,

You must find more paws to love wen I'm gone,

Make me honoured to have given up my place! 

(This is ritten in remembrance ov a bootiful and wise very old Chow Chow called Mabel wot I loved and she told me lots ov fings and I dus miss her and her hoomans miss her and her sister Milly wot did go over the Rainbow Bridge before her. Chow Chows is very wise and dus learn you lots).

Quick Little Terrier!

Quick little terrier

Crunch up de mat

Nuzzle open de curtains 

And sort out dat.

Scatter your toys

Here and there,

Splatter bits ov your bone

Just everywhere,

And run little terrier 

Circle de room,

Race tracks de carpet 

ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!

Zoomies norf, zoomies west,

Sowf and eest,

Zoomies is de best!

Quickly little terrier 

Crunkle up de bed,

Chews up de paper

Deys not yet red,

And gallop little terrier, 

Tuck up your tail,

Back paws to your chin

Go catch de mail,

Den drink little terrier 

And dig up your bowl,

Wen de worter has gone

Just dig a hole!

Contents ov handbags 

Dey shud be shared

So enforce dis little terrier 

Don't be scared!

But you must do all dis

Wen de key is in de door,

Den you can pretend 

Dey is not all dat you dus lives for!

Don't let dem finks

Or gets in der head

Wen dey left for work dis morning 

Dat you just sulked in your bed!

We Is Not Presents

We is not presents

We is not gifts

We is not a token

To gives your life lifts!

We is not commodities

We is not toys

We is not your playthings 

To gives you your joys!

We is little souls

We haves clever brains

We dus knows happiness 

And we dus feels pains!

We haves beating hearts

We haves hopes and fears

And tho you may not notice 

We too dus cries our tears!

We is not presents 

We is not a festive treat

We are friends forever

From de moment we first meet!

The Border Terrier

Wot ever your people try to say

De hierarchy is so yesterday,

And dey need to learn

Dat the cleverest mind

Is dat of de terrier,

Particularly de Border kind!

We dus have de fafe 

Of a fafeful hound

But don't expect de terrier

To sleeps on de ground.

Wherever you choose to rest your head,

Dats where de terrier will makes its bed!

Wot ever your people try to declare

De hierarchy will never be der

And dey need to learn

And dey need to learn fast

Dat de terrier persistence 

Is bilt to last.

We dus have de loyalty 

Of a loyal hound

But don't expect de terrier

To hang around.

Wherever you choose to take a stroll

De terrier will find sum dirt to roll.

Wot ever your people try to announce

Dat daft hierarchy dussent weigh an ounce!

And dey need to learn

And dey needs to understand

Dat de terrier tenacity

Is stronger dan mans!

We dus have de love

Of a loving hound

But ders sumfings in de terrier

Dat is very profound;

Love and affection, wotever you need,

Care and protection, we is de perfect breed! 

Dear Saint Francis

Dear Saint Francis,

Wen you hear our little prayers

Dat we quietly howl to you up der

Cud you please have a gentle word

Wiv de uvver saints who haven't heard?

Cos hoomans have so many folk

Dat dey can pray to and evoke,

But we dus only haves one you

And even for a saint yous a lot to do.

Yet we dussent ever pray for very much,

A walk each day and a hooman touch,

Sum dinner and maybe a little bone,

And a place to sleep dat we can call home.

We ask dat furs and non furs alike,

Is given equality, dignity and rights.

But failing dat we simply plead,

For a little intercession for all furs in need.

So please Saint Francis if you don't mind,

We knows dat you is very kind,

Help dem hoomans do wots rite,

Dis we pray for every night. 

Amen

Wen You Dus Goes On Your Walks

Wen you dus goes on your walks

You hopes dey never ends,

And wen de hoomans stop to talks,

Dats wen you makes your frends.

You must remember not to wuff

And not to yip or yap,

Remember dat we is not ruff,

In fact wees far from dat!

So wen de hoomans be a bore,

We must pals up and team,

Ders sqizzels to be looking for

And wabbitz to be seen!

Ders niffs and lots of niffs around

And niffs dat can be shared,

Ders lovely niffs all over de ground,

Ders niffs just everywhere!

Dem hoomans always stand and chat,

And mostly dey tork rot,

But never mind about all dat,

Deys just a funny lot!

Wiv your frends you've got to play

And niffs and wags and run,

Cos den dey'll come anuvver day,

Wen you'll meets again for fun! 

If We Cud Do Sum Speriments

If we cud do sum speriments

On all de human beings,

Our hypofesis wud be difficult 

Based on wot we been seings.

So we'd quietly offer a paw

And look into your eyes,

Please don't do dis anymore

Coz it really isn't nice!

And you knows enuff by now;

Dat all life dus feel pain,

You knows why and how,

Yet still you don't refrain!

If we cud do sum tests

On all de hooman race,

We'd just do our best

To makes de world a happy place!

Sum fur pals is on de brink

Of never being no more,

And we just ask dat you fink

Who and wot dis world is for!

 

Humans When You Lay Your Wreaths

Humans when you lay your wreaths,

Remember four legged friends,

Cos we does also feels griefs,

And wish that wars would end!

And in the trenches where men fell,

Animals too did fight,

They also suffered horrid hell,

Each and every night!

We does not have the chance to say,

When you does lay your wreaths,

But we remember them today,

And how death was their relief!

Those four legged friends did bravely charge,

Yet they never made that choice.

Their loyalty then will be as ours,

And we will be their voice!

Humans when you play last post,

Please play it once again,

So withs respect we can play host,

For paws and hoofs in pain.

When yous all now laying wreaths,

Hear howling in the air,

We cries and barks in our griefs,

Fur pals that is not there!

And when you does do lower flags,

Half mast our tails do fall,

As we does silent tail unwags,

Remembering them all.

You doesn’t hear the lonely cries,

The howls of those thats gone,

In the land where they all lies,

Dear animals of the Somme!

But forever we will heed the call,

Each year our tails will sink,

Remembering hoofs, paws and all,

And always pausing to think.

Respecting pals that’s still at war,

Whats sniffing out the bombs,

These are what today howls for,

And our cries forever go on!

We will remember them!

Wen You Dus Be Doing Sulks

Wen you dus be doing sulks,

You gots to make dem long!

Making shore de hooman folks

Dus noes deys in de rong!

Ders many ways dat you can sulk

And dat dus be de troof,

But a proper Border Terrier one

Is more dan just aloof!

You gots to do sum huffs and puffs

Making shore dey hear!

And if dat just dusent be enuffs,

You revs it up a gear!

Like wen dey dus do calls your name,

Pretend it is not yours,

Dat will make dem feel ashamed,

And gives dem sum wot fors!

You also need to turn away,

And curl up all alone,

No matter wot dose hoomans say,

It's dey who must atone!

If dey dus try de tempting you

Wiv kisses and wiv treats,

Member you must never do

Submitting or defeats.

Wen you dus be doing sulks,

You gots to makes dem long,

Making shore de hooman folks

Dus noes dey in de rong!

If dey dus cheat and be unfair

And come and cuddle you,

Den its time to do de stare,

And dat I finks will do!

De Bestest Foods For A Terrier

De bestest foods for a Terrier

Not all de hoomans know.

First rool is more de merrier,

Secund, never do eats too slow!

De nommiest of all is dinner,

Speshully wiv gravy and meat,

By far it's de biggest winner

And weally goes down a treat.

But ders uvvers we finks is yum,

And sums we have to steal,

Like chocolate, cheese and minty gum,

Dey too makes a gorjus meal.

Den of corse ders grass and weeds,

And sumtimes socks and shoes,

But dey not de bestest feeds

Cos dey much harder to chew.

So de bestest fing you can get,

For dose speshull times alone,

Sumfing you'll never regret,

Is a Bronty-tyranny-sawrus bone! 

I Dus Luvs Sticky Weed

I dus luvs sticky weed,

It sticks to my snout.

It's de bestest tasting weed,

And I never spits it out!

Wen I dus go for walkies

And spots sum sticky weed,

I ignore de hooman talkies

And I do pulls upon my lead.

Cos oh I dus luvs sticky weed,

I luvs it more dan grass,

And wen I dus see sticky weed,

Dis delicacy can't be passed!

I dus luvs sticky weed!

My Naughty Spiteful Mean Little Cat

My naughty spiteful mean little cat,

Is naughty, spiteful and mean.

And when I does be telling him that,

He then does make a scene!

He wraps his legs around my head

And then he bites my ears.

He claws my tummy when I'm in bed,

And this does make my tears!

My naughty, spiteful mean little cat,

Is naughty, spiteful and mean!

But sometimes I daren't tell him that

Cos he thinks he's so supreme.

He opens his mouth around my snout

And I does just stand still.

I doesn’t dare to growly out,

Cos I think that cat could kill.

My naughty, spiteful mean little cat,

Is naughty, spiteful and mean!

But when he does not be like that,

He's the bestest cat I've seen!

When he does his purrs he is so good,

Not naughty, spiteful or rude,

And I does feel so much love,

And guilt, for eating all his food!

Wabbitz!

Wandering across de meadow,

My luvely hooman and I.

She was watching birds

Flying in de sky.

I was niffing niffs

Wiv my niffer to de ground,

Wen suddenly I niffed it

And knew dey was around.

Wabbitz!

So I began to canter,

Den I did do running

And I shouted to dem wabbitz,

"Wabbitz, I is coming".

But my hooman pulled me back,

As silly hoomans do,

But having none of dat,

I shouted, "Wabbitz, I is coming to get you".

I will get you wabbitz!

I did more running and pulling

And den I did get free.

Dem wabbitz dus need culling

And dats de job for me!

My hooman ran behind,

Crying out my name,

She sed I'm not being kind

And I shud be ashamed! 

Pfft! Hoomans! 

So faster dan de speed of sound,

Wiv my hooman far away,

Der was wabbitz hopping all around

On dis der final day!

But den my hooman did appear,

Wiv a huff and wiv a puff,

And she sed, "Oi, get you here".

And grizzled, "Enuff, dats enuff".

But one day I will get dem wabbitz! 

Wot My Mummy Dog Told Me

Wen I was a pup there came that day

Wen my mummy dog sat me down.

She sed that soon I must go away,

And that she wud not be around.

Looking into my eyes

She did declare,

My own big day had come,

And I wud go in the world out there

To live with my new mum!

And wen that lady did walk in,

Straight way she fell on her knees.

She looked at me with a huge big grin,

And sed, "I'll take that little boy if you please?".

My mummy dog did wags her tail

And as she turned to me,

She sed, "Little pup you will not fail

If you take heed of hows to be.

Stay clean little pup and do your mess

Outside and not on the floor.

Cos you see little pup they dus get stress

And you don't want to cause anymore!

Be patient little pup, they do be slow,

So don't teach them too fast,

And remember little pup whenever they go

I promise they dus come back!

Play little pup but do play fair,

And never ever growl,

Speshully if they got little ones there

Cos they dus tend to howl.

Be brave little pup be brave and kind

And remember your place in the pack,

Having sed that little pup the hooman mind

Is very very easy to trap!

So love little pup with all your heart

Cos they will loves you back,

But try nots to chew the house apart

Cos they don't very much like that!

I loves you little pup but now you must go

So please just don't look back.

I likes the look of your hooman you know

And I finks you will keep her on track.

So goodbye little pup, put on your lead

And wears your collar with pride.

Live long little pup cos your hooman

Needs you forever and ever at her side!"

One Day We'll Be Togever Again

I don't no why her eyes dus leak,

I nuzzel her noze but she dusent speak.

So wiv respect, my tail low,

Off to my toy box I dus go.

Praps squeaky or bone will make her well

And wot ever is de matter 

She mite tell.

So I push chewy ted in her paw

Finking it's time for sum tug-o-war.

She wipes her eyes and wiv a smile

She says she'll play in a little while.

Den I see de photo wot made her sad,

And fink she's missing my bruvva

Wot we once had!

So wiv my eyes I dus explain

She must no more feel dis pain,

Cos in de Happy Hunting Ground,

One day, 

We'll all be togever again!

Def Bref

Dey says I carnt do kissing,

Cos I did eat sum fingy.

Dey says dat I got def bref

And is melling vewy mingy!

Dey turns away der faces,

I weally don't like dat.

Dey says dat I got def bref

From eating sum cow pat!

Dey says dat I need washing

Cos I niffed at de cat tray,

And now deys running dat baff

I don't want a kiss anyway!

Pidgins Is Weally Stoopid!

I'm a well travelled little chap,

Dat carnt be denied,

But everywhere I've ever beed,

De pidgins never flied!

I have such useful little legs

Dat walk and run and trot,

De pidgins have der fevvery wings

But don't use dem a lot!

In all de towns where I have walked

Ders pidgins everywhere!

And dey duz weally noying me,

And dis just isn't fair!

Aldoe I am a terrier,

My manners dey is gud.

But stoopid pidgins in my way,

I'd chase dem if I cud!

My mowf dus sumtimes open

As if to bitey chew,

But I just want dem pidgins

To shoo, pidgins shoo!

Pidgins shud stop being stoopid,

And be likes uvva birds,

Stop doing silly nodding walks,

Dey weally is absurd!

So wen I next dus walks in town,

I finks dat I just mite,

On seeing a stoopid pidgin

Gives it a little bite! 

Dus you fink pidgins are stoopid? 

Hoomans, Wots Wrong With You?

Christmas and Easter and Halloween,
Wot a sorrowful site ever to be seen,
They put us in hats, frocks and coats,
Really, wots wrong with these hooman folk?
And you fink that's bad then cameras come out,
Come on hoomans wots that all about?
Then they ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ and call us silly names,
Not finking that perhaps we is feeling ashamed!
We is Border Terriers, proud and strong
And dressing us like clowns is really wrong!
So this is wot you have got to do
Next time that hooman dus this to you:
Run little terrier run under the chair,
Then gives them that special Border Terrier stare!
That'll learn ‘em! 

Wen Der Duz Be Sqizzels On Your Land

Wen der duz be sqizzels on your land
You weally havs to take dis in hand.
Trotting and hopping and leaping about,
Yous got to get doze sqizzels out!
Your sponsibility iz ups to you,
But dis I will tells you wot to do!

You habs first to niff and niff so strong,
Don’t let dose hoomans says yous rong,
Pulls on dat lead, but mind your neck,
Keeps on pulling doe, wot de heck!
Nebba lose dat niff, ooh dat niff,
Nebba ebba be left finking ‘oh wot if’.

So always be sighting wiv niffer to de gwound,
Turn on def ears against de hoomans sound!
Member dey iz daft, dey got no snout.
Dey knows nuffin wot we iz about!
Keep up wiv dat niff, coz sumfings on your land,
Member little terrier, sqizzels is banned!

Wen yous got your sent its time to act
And wen sqizzel iz in site it iz a fact,
Yous got to pull and pull and run,
Keep pulling little terrier until it is dun!
If de hooman falls over dat is sad,
But member little terrier, sqizzels is bad!

So nows you iz free keeps up de pace,
Stop for a tiddle and penny de place.
Den rise up little terrier, pwowd and tall
Catch dem sqizzels one and all!
Den wen de sqizzel duz looks at you,
Oh, bover, I don’t weally no wot next to do!

Sowwy!

 

©BertTheBard

De Call Ov De Border Terrier ( In honour of Toby)

From over de hills and yonder dales,
We directs de wind wiv waggin tails.
For if one is lost, we is all alone,
Howling and yowling till our pal comes home!

And barking and yarking far and wide,
Miles apart, yet side by side!
We is not vicious, but we is tuff,
And wen a pal is missin you’ll hear us wuff!

We Border Terriers is a gentle breed
But if we is stolen, feeves take heed!
De power of de pen in are people’s paws,
We does make the BT laws!

We little but tenacious furs
And helped by our hims and hers,
We can read and we can wite,
Dats the telligent way we fite!

And wen uvvas is lost we answer de call,
Paw in paw, one and all!
We is never mean, we is not bossy,
But do beware, don’t ever upset de BT Posse!

©BertTheBard