Things I Like To Look At

Things I like to look at,

There are many and a few,

Like if you looks at me,

I will look at you!

Things I like to look at,

I look at them so well,

Like when you do the cooking,

I like to watch that smell.

Things I like to look at,

Is sometimes what you say,

Like when your words are ‘dinner’

I run to look your way!

Things I like to look at,

Is some things you don’t see,

I like to look them up and down,

And growl what they might be!

Things I like to look at,

Is when you isn’t there,

Like when you goes out shopping,

I does wait and stare.

Sonnet Number 3 (Tiddling)

When you want to tiddle,

You need to drink some more,

Ignore them when they niggle

As they waiting at the door.

Just place your snout upon the ground,

Go sniffs your whole domain.

Take your time, walk round and round,

In sunshine, snow or rain.

Then go and check the flower pots,

Or chase the birds and bees.

You’ve plenty time to tiddle lots,

At least a hundred wees!

And finally after an hour or more,

Go tiddle on the tiddles from the day before.

(Don’t let your peoples rush you when you go out to tiddle. They don’t understand the things we need to do before we tiddle. It’s a very serious procedure that we must follow)

Listen To Me

When my brittle old bones no longer yield,

And my faithful soul no more a shield.

Heartbeats barely breaking through,

Begging you to do what you must do,

Listen to me.

When my bark is nothing but a muffled cry,

And your desperate encouragement passes me by,

My youth long gone and this we both know,

Have faith in me and let me go,

Because I listen to you.

When I can’t respond to the words you say,

Breaking your heart when I turn away,

Faltering breathing entrenching the air,

I know your love will always be there,

But listen to me.

When my clouded eyes are seeking peace,

And the Rainbow Bridge is my only release,

Take away my pain, don’t clutch at straws,

Just kiss me again and hold my paws,

And let me go.

And as you wander that lonely track,

Wishing to God you could bring me back,

Mortality lives and thus life ends,

But eternally we will be best friends,

Because you listened to me.

(This is with loves and happy memories of my Chow Chow sisters and all four paws what haves gone over the Rainbow Bridge)

Retirement With My Grandhoomans!

There comes a time in an old fellas life
When without puppies, partner or wife,
His thoughts and thinking does thinks of change
And how his life could be rearranged.

I does loves my mum with all my heart
But longer are the days we spend apart.
She has to work and do silly people stuff
And for little old me, enough is enough!

I know a place where I can wile away the hours,
Lying in the grass and tiddling on the flowers;
The old peoples house is very much my home,
That's where I want to be, where I want to roam.

With all the treats and Chow Chows to play,
No more do I endure my mums working day.
Laid back lazy mornings and cuddly snuggle up nights,
I hereby does declare, that these are my rights!

With the bestest Grandhoomans, I does now retire,
Because with them I does shares the very same desire.
But I do thanks to my mum for hearing my voice,
For loving me enough to let me make my choice.

Dear Mrs May

Dear Mrs May,
Today you made me sad,
I heard what you did say
And I thinks it's very bad!

In this world that humans rule,
Us animals always lose out.
How can you be so cruel?
Does you know what fox hunting is about?

There are many traditions of old
That I'm sure you would forsake.
Like the times that women were told
They were witches and burned at the stake!

Could you please try and be a nice lady
And keep hunting forever banned?
Because then perhaps and maybe,
You'll be worthy of ruling our land!

Us four pawed pals also belong,
Though our people have the final vote!
Mrs May, fox hunting is wrong!
So please please take note!

Fox hunting is very naughty and cruel Mrs May! Please stop it!

Love from,

Bert x
(A very caring little Border Terrier)

Just For A Moment (Written by my mum)

Choked by the smoke
That covers the dead,
He clawed his way out of a trench,
And just for a moment
He looked ahead
With his fists tightly clenched.
Grinding his teeth, his rounded eyes
Followed his wandering mind,
And just for a moment I heard him cry,
'Can't you see, can't you see I am blind?'
And carved on his headstone,
A well versed caption,
It clearly reads -
'This soldier died in action.'

Drowned in the dirt
That buries the dead,
Determined to be man.
For just a moment
He charged ahead
Waving a gun in his hand.
Gritting his teeth, a fervid frown
Shooting across his face,
And at that moment before he went down,
He cried, 'I have won! I have won the bloody race!'
And carved on his headstone
Where many have cried,
It clearly reads -
'As a hero he died.'

Taunted by the filth
Decomposing the dead
Shattered shell-shocked nerves,
Just for a moment
He turned his head
Against all he had sworn to serve.
His chattering teeth, tasting tears,
Shivering through his bones,
And just for a moment his eighteen years
Were reduced to a cry, 'Take me home'.
And carved on his headstone,
Weathered and worn,
We cowardly mutter -
'This boy was shot at dawn.'

Rhiannon Fox

Fings Wot Dus Annoy Me

Fings wot dus annoy me

Dus indeed annoy,

Like wen grandma takes away

My very favourite toy!

She puts it in the wash

And round and round it goes,

Making it all squash,

Ears, face and nose.

Fings wot dus annoy me

Is very annoying indeed, 

Like wen I goes on walkies,

Mum tugs upon my lead.

Sqwizzels, rabbits and rats,

I sniffs them all out there,

But she always pulls me back

And this just issent fair!

Fings wot dus annoy me

Dus sumtimes make me mad,

Like wen mum dus leave without me

Not finking that it's bad!

Then wen she dus comes back,

Knowing she shud have stayed in,

She says, "Who the heck did that?",

Ungrateful I've sorted out the bin!

Fings wot dus annoy me,

I also finks is rude,

Like wen mum dus sits in front of me

Eating all her food.

Although I have had mine,

I finks that she shud share,

This wud be most kind

And very very fair!

Fings wot dus annoy me,

Dus sumtimes make me bark,

Like dogs not on their leads

Bullying me in the park!

I always have to be wary

Wen others break the rules,

And I find it very scary

Cos their people is such fools!

All these fings dus annoy me and other fings too!

Chasing Cats Is Important Work

Chasing cats is important work,
A vital role one must not shirk;
Although I love my own little cat
His species name does rhyme with RAT!

When you does walkies down the street
Look under cars for feline feet,
Round the corners and behind the plants,
That's where you'll spy littel spiteful pants.

And when your eyes does spot the sight,
You knows your skills did get it right!
But them cats does likes to stop and stare,
So hold your nerve and stand right there.

Cats can jump and scratch and bite,
Cats doesn’t do a gentlemanly fight!
Cats does try to possess your mind,
Cats is naughty, mean and not kind.

Timing is the key so time with care,
Cos cats can suddenly be not there.
But when you is ready release your brave
And learn them cats how to behave!

Forgive Me?

Forgive me when I scratch and bite,

Lashing out at you and crying all night,

My vocalisations doing nought but swear.

It's simply because you were not there!

Forgive me?

Forgive me when I wander alone

And for hours and hours I don't come home.

I care nothing for your solace or peace,

I need my freedom, my soul released. 

Forgive me?

Forgive me when I sit and stare

And claw your heart without a care,

Then kneeding you upon your knee,

Needing to know you are there just for me.

Forgive me?

Forgive me when I forget to trust

Yet knowing you now I know that I must.

But memories haunting and hauntings go on,

I'm haunted by those who did me wrong.

Forgive them?

Forgive me when I scatter my tray,

Adding to your chores and jobs for the day.

Begging for food, habits don't die.

Please forgive me and never ask why.

Just forgive me.

Forgive me for being dumped on the street,

It's not the way that anyone should meet!

Desperate, lonely and out of my mind;

Yet I forgive you and all of your kind.

Can you forgive you?

(This is a guest post ritten by my cat Charles Henry wot was a abandoned kitten and I did looks after him) 

I Asked My Naughty Little Cat Oh Why Is You So Bad!

I asked my naughty little cat

"Oh why is you so bad"

And he replied "Do not say that,

You don't know the life I've had."

He said that lonely on the streets

His people left him there,

And he did learn about mistreats

And how hoomans doesn’t care!

He said that he did cry each night,

Frightened, hungry and cold,

Thinking that this wrong was right 

Cos he was never told!

But when a smiley kind man came,

Enticing him with food,

He thought it might just be a game

But to refuse it would be rude

He said that moment it did start,

With that kind mans gentle touch,

His firstest purr came from his heart 

And he liked it very much.

And then to me that man did come

Snuggling my naughty cat,

Then he gave him to my mum,

And thats the end of that!

But again I asked my naughty cat 

"Why is you naughty and bad?".

"By now you should be over that,

Given the love you've had?".

He stared a stare and did reply;

"Some things I does regret",

And with a tear in his eye,

He said, "I'll be good when time let’s me forget".

I'm A Brave Little Border Terrier

I'm a brave little Border Terrier,

I've killed socks, sqweeks and shoes,

I've chased off sqwizzels and wabbitz

And everyfing else dat moves! 

I've barked away dem monsters

Dat sumtimes comes at nite,

Protecting my hooman lady

Before we snuggle up tite!

Wen dragons dus hide in de bushes,

I pownce wiv my four paws,

I never dus takes non nonsense

Cos dat is de Terrier law!

But ders two fings dat dus scare me

And dey is de scariest fings;

Big buzzy flies and wasps,

Dat dus want to do big stings!

Dem wasps dus hold me hostidge,

Wen I tries to run away,

Dey dus do der chasing me,

And corse a big affray!

But brave boy I dus be,

I run to my hoomans aid,

And cuddles up on her knee,

Cos she is also afraid!

(I dussent likes big buzzy flies and wasps! Dey is very horrible and scary)

Sonnet Number 2 (Sitting on de Porch)

We dus all takes our guidance from Marley,

And our direkshuns from Sir Clapton too,

And although we dus never gets snarly,

If yoo dus upsets us we will gets yoo!

Wen we is togevver we dus stay strong,

And togevver we will always be stood,

Cos de BT Posse is never rong,

We is de best bruvva and sisterhud.

For us der is a very speshul place

Where Marley and Clapton tell us to go,

And at der command we dus all make haste

If a fur is in need wot we dus know.

And come rain or shine wiv love as a torch

Yoo will find us sitting on our pals porch! 

(Dis is for all Border Terriers and furpals but was ritten wiv Rohan in my hart cos he was hurted today by a big mean nasty dog and we is all sad bowt dat and hopes his wounds heal very very soon like now really).

Sonnet Number 1 (Fridge Raiding)

How I dus loves time wiv my girl alone,

We dus haves so much fun wen mum's not here,

And I can cast aside dat boring bone,

As I bound to de kitchen wiv no fear!

Wen she opens de fridge I wags my tail

At de site of scotch eggs and cheese and fings,

Putting up my paw it never dus fail,

And my girl dus knows wot joys dis dus bring!

She dus gives me sum sossidge and sum cheese,

And dare are lots of other nommy treats,

And my girl dus never makes me say please,

As we dus munch on all de fruit and meats!

But wen we dus hear mums key in de door,

We says we not eaten, so we gets more! 

Dear Mrs Sturgeon

Dear Mrs Sturgeon,

Wud yoo be so kind,

And finks abowt dem foxes

Wivs your clever mind?

Yoo is a Scottish lady,

And all Border Terriers too

Dus share yore heritage maybe,

But we is lucking ups to yoo!

Down here below de borders

Sum wants to hunt again,

We finks dis is out of order

So please vote, do not refrain!

Mrs Sturgeon wiv paws crossed

We is having fafe in yoo,

And lives shud not be lost

By wot dem horrid hunters do!

So dear Mrs Sturgeon,

Our kilts we'll prowdly wear,

If yoo dus goes to Westminster

And shows dem dat yoo care.

Hunting foxes is not nice Mrs Sturgeon.

Lots of Love,

Bert xxxxx

I Am A Pedigree Terrier

I am a pedigree terrier,

Pure bred and reared,

My breeders were responsible 

And very much revered.

My mummy dog was bootiful 

My daddy dog was smart,

So why carnt all de breeders

Breed love in their own harts?

De fallout from de Crufts Show

Is making me so sad,

Poisoned dogs and beaten dogs,

Hoomans is so bad!

It's becoming like a circus

Just for peeples gain,

A cover up for cruelty,

An arena show of pain!

How many years of torture 

Will de kennel club condone,

Till dey banish norty breeders

And send bad handlers home?

A Championship Certificate,

De Best in Show award,

These prizes dus mean nuffing

Unless de dog is trooly adored! 

I Can't Go Shopping Wiv My Mum

I can't go shopping wiv my mum

Cos peeple is unfair,

She dus never lets me come

Cos de signs is everywhere!

Ritten dey is big and bold

Likes a funder clowd 

And everywhere we go wees told,

NO. DOGS. ALLOWED!

I can't go wanders round de town,

Yet peeple sneeze and coff,

And it dussent evens cause a frown

Toddlers wiv dirty nappies hanging off!

But de signs appear just everywhere,

Likes a funder clowd,

I finks dat dis is so unfair;

NO. DOGS. ALLOWED!

But wen I finks about de town,

Rubbish and glass on de floors

And horrid hoomans spit on de ground,

I dussent wants dis near my paws!

I luks at de signs ritten up there

And I luks at dem dirty crowds,

And now I really dussent care,

In fact, I'm glad no dogs is allowed! 

Come To The Cuntry They Dus Say

Come to de cuntry they dus say,

Come and live the cuntry life,

Wotever fings dus gets in our way,

It dussent ever cause us strife,

So come to the cuntry they dus shout,

Nature can be adored

And you can get much out and abowt

And never will you be bored!

There's always fings to kill and cull,

Foxes and badgers, just shout 'pull',

And wen they howlingly fall to de grownd 

Is this wot they call the cuntry sound?

Come to de cuntry they dus say,

The cuntry they is destroying?

Killing and culling all in the way,

The wildlife they finks is annoying! 

Come to the cuntry they dus declare,

Wiv hoomans and nature at one,

They claims that they dus really care,

But harf of the wildlife is gone.

Cos there's always fings to hunt and trap

And if it's illegal it's just a mishap

That huntsmen they will swear and defend

That this life they took was theirs to end!

Come to the cuntry they dus say,

Let your terriers do run free,

Let them hunt froo out the day,

But who will be hunting me?

I chases sqizzels and sniff out mice,

And I knows I cud catch rats,

But really I is just too nice

To do anyfing more than that!

I dussent haves a poorly mind,

Fankfully I not of hoomankind,

I is forever your little mate

And I dussent have a heart of hate!

So I'll come to the cuntry but as a frend,

Discarding the hooman rools,

Let nature alone make her own amends,

Wivout hoomans being so crool.

Don't teach us to kill and fite,

Our nature dus not behold,

We knows these ways just issent rite,

They not traditions of old!

There's fings that nature tolerates the least,

And there's fings we dus despise,

Oh wen will you see that you is that beast,

Wen will you open your eyes? 

When Cats Does Say Good Morning

When cats does say good morning

You need to check the time,

This I do be warning

Cos cats does do the crime!

When cats does do some purrs

You need to be so wary,

Hold tightly to your furs,

Cos cats is very scary!

When cats does do a stare,

You need to turn away,

You got to be aware

That you is their next prey!

When cats does do their claws,

I suggest that you does run,

Cos until they have clawed yours,

Their pruning isn’t done!

When cats does do big blinks,

Still you must take care,

Cos cats does also slinks

And cats does not play fair!

When cats is fast asleep,

Then you can relax,

But one eye you must keep

On all them naughty cats! 

St. Francis Did Turn To De Lord

St Francis did turn to de Lord

And fanked him such a lot

For all de dogs wud be adored

But ders one we havent got!

De Lord did say you gots all breeds

Wot more is der to do?

Surely dis is all you needs,

Dey all dus loving too?

St. Francis carried on dis tork

And de Lord did lend his ear!

For miles and miles dey bofe did walk,

And den it did appear!

In His mind de Lord did see

Just wot de world dus need,

Sumfing dat forever wud be

De bestest of de bestest breed!

So de Lord did set abowt dis task,

Feeling all de merrier.

And wen St. Francis stopped to ask,

He handed him a Border Terrier!

And dus de bestest breed wos borned! 

You Hoomans Wot Dus Steal Pets

You hoomans wot dus steal pets

Is monsters throo and throo!

But one fing you can always bets

Is sum day we'll find you!

We dus choose our peeple so

Wiv dem we dus belong

And dis is sumfing dat you know

Yet still you dus do rong!

Wot evil dus possess your mind

Wen you do dis monstrous act?

Surpassing all dat is unkind,

You is horrid and dats a fact!

You hoomans wot dus steal pets

And takes dem far away,

Ders one fing you can always bets,

Every dog will have its day!

Yes we will you horrid hoomans wot steal pets!

Wotever shadows shield your hart

Darkening your forts,

However long we is apart,

One day you'll all be cort! 

Hoomans wot dus steal pets is disgusting!