I Can't Go Shopping Wiv My Mum

I can't go shopping wiv my mum

Cos peeple is unfair,

She dus never lets me come

Cos de signs is everywhere!

Ritten dey is big and bold

Likes a funder clowd 

And everywhere we go wees told,

NO. DOGS. ALLOWED!

I can't go wanders round de town,

Yet peeple sneeze and coff,

And it dussent evens cause a frown

Toddlers wiv dirty nappies hanging off!

But de signs appear just everywhere,

Likes a funder clowd,

I finks dat dis is so unfair;

NO. DOGS. ALLOWED!

But wen I finks about de town,

Rubbish and glass on de floors

And horrid hoomans spit on de ground,

I dussent wants dis near my paws!

I luks at de signs ritten up there

And I luks at dem dirty crowds,

And now I really dussent care,

In fact, I'm glad no dogs is allowed! 

Come To The Cuntry They Dus Say

Come to de cuntry they dus say,

Come and live the cuntry life,

Wotever fings dus gets in our way,

It dussent ever cause us strife,

So come to the cuntry they dus shout,

Nature can be adored

And you can get much out and abowt

And never will you be bored!

There's always fings to kill and cull,

Foxes and badgers, just shout 'pull',

And wen they howlingly fall to de grownd 

Is this wot they call the cuntry sound?

Come to de cuntry they dus say,

The cuntry they is destroying?

Killing and culling all in the way,

The wildlife they finks is annoying! 

Come to the cuntry they dus declare,

Wiv hoomans and nature at one,

They claims that they dus really care,

But harf of the wildlife is gone.

Cos there's always fings to hunt and trap

And if it's illegal it's just a mishap

That huntsmen they will swear and defend

That this life they took was theirs to end!

Come to the cuntry they dus say,

Let your terriers do run free,

Let them hunt froo out the day,

But who will be hunting me?

I chases sqizzels and sniff out mice,

And I knows I cud catch rats,

But really I is just too nice

To do anyfing more than that!

I dussent haves a poorly mind,

Fankfully I not of hoomankind,

I is forever your little mate

And I dussent have a heart of hate!

So I'll come to the cuntry but as a frend,

Discarding the hooman rools,

Let nature alone make her own amends,

Wivout hoomans being so crool.

Don't teach us to kill and fite,

Our nature dus not behold,

We knows these ways just issent rite,

They not traditions of old!

There's fings that nature tolerates the least,

And there's fings we dus despise,

Oh wen will you see that you is that beast,

Wen will you open your eyes? 

When Cats Does Say Good Morning

When cats does say good morning

You need to check the time,

This I do be warning

Cos cats does do the crime!

When cats does do some purrs

You need to be so wary,

Hold tightly to your furs,

Cos cats is very scary!

When cats does do a stare,

You need to turn away,

You got to be aware

That you is their next prey!

When cats does do their claws,

I suggest that you does run,

Cos until they have clawed yours,

Their pruning isn’t done!

When cats does do big blinks,

Still you must take care,

Cos cats does also slinks

And cats does not play fair!

When cats is fast asleep,

Then you can relax,

But one eye you must keep

On all them naughty cats! 

St. Francis Did Turn To De Lord

St Francis did turn to de Lord

And fanked him such a lot

For all de dogs wud be adored

But ders one we havent got!

De Lord did say you gots all breeds

Wot more is der to do?

Surely dis is all you needs,

Dey all dus loving too?

St. Francis carried on dis tork

And de Lord did lend his ear!

For miles and miles dey bofe did walk,

And den it did appear!

In His mind de Lord did see

Just wot de world dus need,

Sumfing dat forever wud be

De bestest of de bestest breed!

So de Lord did set abowt dis task,

Feeling all de merrier.

And wen St. Francis stopped to ask,

He handed him a Border Terrier!

And dus de bestest breed wos borned! 

You Hoomans Wot Dus Steal Pets

You hoomans wot dus steal pets

Is monsters throo and throo!

But one fing you can always bets

Is sum day we'll find you!

We dus choose our peeple so

Wiv dem we dus belong

And dis is sumfing dat you know

Yet still you dus do rong!

Wot evil dus possess your mind

Wen you do dis monstrous act?

Surpassing all dat is unkind,

You is horrid and dats a fact!

You hoomans wot dus steal pets

And takes dem far away,

Ders one fing you can always bets,

Every dog will have its day!

Yes we will you horrid hoomans wot steal pets!

Wotever shadows shield your hart

Darkening your forts,

However long we is apart,

One day you'll all be cort! 

Hoomans wot dus steal pets is disgusting! 

Je Suis Bert Le Barde

Je Suis Bert le Barde,

Je suis Charlie too;

We is also sickened

By wot sum hoomans do!

We listen to de news

And hear our hoomans cry,

We howls dat we bemused

And also we ask why!

Je Suis Bert le barde,

Je suis Charlie too,

Disgusted and revolted

By wot sum hoomans do!

We finks dey is de bane

Of every preshuss life,

Using religion again, 

Terrorists causing strife!

Je suis Bert le barde,

Je suis Charlie too,

Sumtimes it's very hard

To see de gudness hoomans do!

We is saddened dat you fites

And sum is just so crool,

Destroying your own rites,

Breaking your own rools!

Je suis Bert le barde,

Je suis Charlie too,

Etre solidaires 

Is wot you all must do!

If togevver you unite,

Togevver you stand a chance,

Of acheeving wot is rite,

Vive la France!

#JeSuisCharlie 

Dis Badge Is More Dan A Badge

Dis badge is more dan a badge,

Dis badge is part of me,

Dis badge I proudly wear

Dus says wot I dus be.

Dis badge is more dan a badge,

It's bruvver and sisterhood.

Dis badge wiv love I wear,

Depicting all dat's gud.

Dis badge is more dan a badge,

It's a symbol dat unites,

Dis BT Posse badge,

Representing all dat's rite!

Dis badge is more dan a badge,

Dis badge I wear wiv pride,

And all wot wear dis badge,

Dus forever stand side by side!

I dus loves my badge!

Pet Video Verify – Pet Microchip Alternative (Guest post)

Pet Video Verify – Pet Microchip Alternative
Pet Video Verify’s software is video identification for your pet!
Today lost and found pets are a big issue. Many pet owners have high anxiety that their pet is going to get lost. They should be worried, the statistics are that many pets do get lost, it is estimated that 1 in 3 pets will get lost sometime time in their lifetime. If you don’t act quickly and have systems in place, you may never see the pet again. Pet Video Verify is developing applications that help you put systems in place that help manage your pets better with this website.

Pet Video Verify pet video identification system is a patent pending system. This video identification system is trying to revolutionize how lost pets are found and returned to the owner. In the current version of the web application, the pet owner looks over the pet for special attributes and takes measurements, then they video the pet including the special attributes and measurements, you can see an example of a video identification by clicking here. When all these special attributes and measurements are put together, virtually any pet can be identified. A video of your pet is a lot better way to identify them because with a video you can get all parts of the pets body. In the future, we are going to include electronic measurements of the pet in the video!

Pet Video Verify has integrated another application into its software and it is the ability to store pet medical records online by visiting here. When you have access to your pet medical records online, you can access the medical records anytime you need them from any device that is connected to the Internet. Keeping your pet medical records online also help veterinarians because if your pet gets lost and ends up at the vet, the vet may not know the identity of your pet. The vet can use the video identification to identify your pet and also pull your pet's medical records! Very helpful and can save your pet's life!

Pet Video Verify has an application where pet owners can sell their used pet items to other pet owners. Pet owners search the Internet looking for pet items. Many would prefer pet items that have already been used and that the owner needs to get rid of, which can be found here. They can search Pet Video Verify for these items and contact the owner to purchase those items.

Pet Video Verify also receives pet coupons from major retailers at their site. We receive the coupons or deals from big retailers such as PetSmart! We push the coupons and deals directly to our users helping them find deals on new items that they need for their pet! We are getting new advertisers all the time so we receive lots of good coupons and deals!

Pet Video Verify also has a pet supply store for when you want new pet items instead of used ones!  We are updating these new pet items all the time.  Check out these items by clicking here!
You can also post your cute pet pictures for everyone to see on our website. People love cute pet pictures because they bring joy to their life. Pet owners love posting them because they are proud of their pet and they want them to bring joy to other people.  Also, look at funny pet videos by clicking here!

Silly Hoomans Invented Silly Time!

Watches and calendars, diaries and clocks,

Hoomans made time and now it won't stop!

But all de time dey forever complain

And grumble and moan over again!

Shuddent have invented time den!

Dey say dey will just be a minit or two,

Wen dey dus go outs and be leaving you!

But wot dey don't know and dus not accept,

However long dey go is long to be left!

Dey shuddent do dat!

We is not stoopid and we is not fick,

Cos we won't be rooled by clocks dat tick!

Hoomans you must learn and learn it well,

Life can't be valued by wot de time dus tell.

For you an hour is not very long,

But hoomans you is so very rong!

And we can't conceive how you can measure

Dis life you believe to be such a treasure!

Compared to yours our lives is short,

But dat is just a hooman fort.

We finks you silly watching de clocks,

Being controlled by tickity tocks!

Pfft. Tickity tocks is stoopid!

Chewing a bone or going for a run,

Dats wot makes our lives such fun.

Having a play den having a snooze,

Wiv no time in our day, we've no time to lose!

So don't compare our lives to yours,

Ders hands on clocks but der issent paws!

And always remember your time won't forgive,

So do wot we do, we dus just live!

And we fink its better dat way! 

I Dussent Likes De Winter Mumfs!

I dussent likes de winter mumfs 

Cos dey is frozey cold!

I dussent likes to leave my bed,

But always I am told;

It's "get up Bert" and "go outside"

And lots of uvver nags,

But den ders times I can't decide,

Cos my tail dus little wags!

I dussent likes de bitey frost 

It stings my little paws!

But she dus fink dat she's de boss

So she dus make de laws!

But wot she can't get in her head

Wen she dus early rise,

Is I dus wants to stay in bed,

Cos mornings I despise!

I dussent likes de soggy rain

Tickling my eyes and snout!

I've told her dis again and again

But still she dus say, "OUT!"

Reluctantly I dus obey,

A command I can't avoid,

But sumtimes I wants to go away

And lives wiv dat Sian Lloyd.

(Sian Lloyd wuddent make me go out in de norty wevver. She wud make de wevver nice and warm and sunny for all de Border Terriers)