Sunday 22 February 2015

I Can't Go Shopping Wiv My Mum

I can't go shopping wiv my mum
Cos peeple is unfair,
She dus never lets me come
Cos de signs is everywhere!
Ritten dey is big and bold
Likes a funder clowd 
And everywhere we go wees told,
NO. DOGS. ALLOWED!

I can't go wanders round de town,
Yet peeple sneeze and coff,
And it dussent evens cause a frown
Toddlers wiv dirty nappies hanging off!
But de signs appear just everywhere,
Likes a funder clowd,
I finks dat dis is so unfair;
NO. DOGS. ALLOWED!

But wen I finks about de town,
Rubbish and glass on de floors
And horrid hoomans spit on de ground,
I dussent wants dis near my paws!
I luks at de signs ritten up there
And I luks at dem dirty crowds,
And now I really dussent care,
In fact, I'm glad no dogs is allowed! 

Saturday 21 February 2015

Come To The Cuntry They Dus Say

Come to de cuntry they dus say,
Come and live the cuntry life,
Wotever fings dus gets in our way,
It dussent ever cause us strife,
So come to the cuntry they dus shout,
Nature can be adored
And you can get much out and abowt
And never will you be bored!
There's always fings to kill and cull,
Foxes and badgers, just shout 'pull',
And wen they howlingly fall to de grownd 
Is this wot they call the cuntry sound?

Come to de cuntry they dus say,
The cuntry they is destroying?
Killing and culling all in the way,
The wildlife they finks is annoying! 
Come to the cuntry they dus declare,
Wiv hoomans and nature at one,
They claims that they dus really care,
But harf of the wildlife is gone.
Cos there's always fings to hunt and trap
And if it's illegal it's just a mishap
That huntsmen they will swear and defend
That this life they took was theirs to end!

Come to the cuntry they dus say,
Let your terriers do run free,
Let them hunt froo out the day,
But who will be hunting me?
I chases sqizzels and sniff out mice,
And I knows I cud catch rats,
But really I is just too nice
To do anyfing more than that!
I dussent haves a poorly mind,
Fankfully I not of hoomankind,
I is forever your little mate
And I dussent have a heart of hate!

So I'll come to the cuntry but as a frend,
Discarding the hooman rools,
Let nature alone make her own amends,
Wivout hoomans being so crool.
Don't teach us to kill and fite,
Our nature dus not behold,
We knows these ways just issent rite,
They not traditions of old!
There's fings that nature tolerates the least,
And there's fings we dus despise,
Oh wen will you see that you is that beast,
Wen will you open your eyes? 


Friday 20 February 2015

When Cats Does Say Good Morning

When cats does say good morning
You need to check the time,
This I do be warning
Cos cats does do the crime!

When cats does do some purrs
You need to be so wary,
Hold tightly to your furs,
Cos cats is very scary!

When cats does do a stare,
You need to turn away,
You got to be aware
That you is their next prey!

When cats does do their claws,
I suggest that you does run,
Cos until they have clawed yours,
Their pruning isn’t done!

When cats does do big blinks,
Still you must take care,
Cos cats does also slinks
And cats does not play fair!

When cats is fast asleep,
Then you can relax,
But one eye you must keep
On all them naughty cats!