Thursday 5 November 2015

I Asked My Norty Littel Cat Oh Why Is Yoo So Bad!

I asked my norty littel cat
"Oh why is yoo so bad"
And he replied "Do not say that,
Yoo don't know the life I've had."
He sed that lonely on the streets
His peepel left him there,
And he did learn abowt mistreats
And how hoomans dussent care!

He sed that he did cry each nite,
Frytened, hungry and cold,
And finking that this rong was rite
Cos he was never told!
But wen a smiley kind man came,
Enticing him wiv food,
He fort it mite just be a game
But to refuse it wud be rood.

He sed that moment it did start,
Wiv that kind mans gentel touch,
His firstest purr came from his hart
And he liked it very much.
And then to me that man did come
Snuggling my norty cat,
Then he gave him to my mum,
And thats the end of dat!

But again I asked my norty cat 
"Why is yoo norty and bad?".
"By now yoo shud be over that,
Given the life you've had?".
He stared a stare and did reply;
"Sum fings I dus regret",
And wiv a littel tear in his eye,
He sed, "I'll be gud wen I dus forget".


Saturday 20 June 2015

I'm A Brave Little Border Terrier

I'm a brave little Border Terrier,
I've killed socks, sqweeks and shoes,
I've chased off sqwizzels and wabbitz
And everyfing else dat moves! 
I've barked away dem monsters
Dat sumtimes comes at nite,
Protecting my hooman lady
Before we snuggle up tite!

Wen dragons dus hide in de bushes,
I pownce wiv my four paws,
I never dus takes non nonsense
Cos dat is de Terrier law!
But ders two fings dat dus scare me
And dey is de scariest fings;
Big buzzy flies and wasps,
Dat dus want to do big stings!

Dem wasps dus hold me hostidge,
Wen I tries to run away,
Dey dus do der chasing me,
And corse a big affray!
But brave boy I dus be,
I run to my hoomans aid,
And cuddles up on her knee,
Cos she is also afraid!


(I dussent likes big buzzy flies and wasps! Dey is very horrible and scary)

Sonnet Number 2 (Sitting on de Porch)

We dus all takes our guidance from Marley,
And our direkshuns from Sir Clapton too,
And although we dus never gets snarly,
If yoo dus upsets us we will gets yoo!
Wen we is togevver we dus stay strong,
And togevver we will always be stood,
Cos de BT Posse is never rong,
We is de best bruvva and sisterhud.
For us der is a very speshul place
Where Marley and Clapton tell us to go,
And at der command we dus all make haste
If a fur is in need wot we dus know.
And come rain or shine wiv love as a torch
Yoo will find us sitting on our pals porch! 


(Dis is for all Border Terriers and furpals but was ritten wiv Rohan in my hart cos he was hurted today by a big mean nasty dog and we is all sad bowt dat and hopes his wounds heal very very soon like now really).

Sunday 31 May 2015

Sonnet Number 1 (Fridge Raiding)

How I dus loves time wiv my girl alone,
We dus haves so much fun wen mum's not here,
And I can cast aside dat boring bone,
As I bound to de kitchen wiv no fear!
Wen she opens de fridge I wags my tail
At de site of scotch eggs and cheese and fings,
Putting up my paw it never dus fail,
And my girl dus knows wot joys dis dus bring!
She dus gives me sum sossidge and sum cheese,
And dare are lots of other nommy treats,
And my girl dus never makes me say please,
As we dus munch on all de fruit and meats!
But wen we dus hear mums key in de door,
We says we not eaten, so we gets more! 


Tuesday 26 May 2015

Dear Mrs Sturgeon

Dear Mrs Sturgeon,
Wud yoo be so kind,
And finks abowt dem foxes
Wivs your clever mind?
Yoo is a Scottish lady,
And all Border Terriers too
Dus share yore heritage maybe,
But we is lucking ups to yoo!

Down here below de borders
Sum wants to hunt again,
We finks dis is out of order
So please vote, do not refrain!
Mrs Sturgeon wiv paws crossed
We is having fafe in yoo,
And lives shud not be lost
By wot dem horrid hunters do!

So dear Mrs Sturgeon,
Our kilts we'll prowdly wear,
If yoo dus goes to Westminster
And shows dem dat yoo care.

Hunting foxes is not nice Mrs Sturgeon.

Lots of Love,

Bert xxxxx




Tuesday 10 March 2015

I Am A Pedigree Terrier

I am a pedigree terrier,
Pure bred and reared,
My breeders were responsible 
And very much revered.
My mummy dog was bootiful 
My daddy dog was smart,
So why carnt all de breeders
Breed love in their own harts?

De fallout from de Crufts Show
Is making me so sad,
Poisoned dogs and beaten dogs,
Hoomans is so bad!
It's becoming like a circus
Just for peeples gain,
A cover up for cruelty,
An arena show of pain!

How many years of torture 
Will de kennel club condone,
Till dey banish norty breeders
And send bad handlers home?
A Championship Certificate,
De Best in Show award,
These prizes dus mean nuffing
Unless de dog is trooly adored! 

Sunday 22 February 2015

I Can't Go Shopping Wiv My Mum

I can't go shopping wiv my mum
Cos peeple is unfair,
She dus never lets me come
Cos de signs is everywhere!
Ritten dey is big and bold
Likes a funder clowd 
And everywhere we go wees told,
NO. DOGS. ALLOWED!

I can't go wanders round de town,
Yet peeple sneeze and coff,
And it dussent evens cause a frown
Toddlers wiv dirty nappies hanging off!
But de signs appear just everywhere,
Likes a funder clowd,
I finks dat dis is so unfair;
NO. DOGS. ALLOWED!

But wen I finks about de town,
Rubbish and glass on de floors
And horrid hoomans spit on de ground,
I dussent wants dis near my paws!
I luks at de signs ritten up there
And I luks at dem dirty crowds,
And now I really dussent care,
In fact, I'm glad no dogs is allowed! 

Saturday 21 February 2015

Come To The Cuntry They Dus Say

Come to de cuntry they dus say,
Come and live the cuntry life,
Wotever fings dus gets in our way,
It dussent ever cause us strife,
So come to the cuntry they dus shout,
Nature can be adored
And you can get much out and abowt
And never will you be bored!
There's always fings to kill and cull,
Foxes and badgers, just shout 'pull',
And wen they howlingly fall to de grownd 
Is this wot they call the cuntry sound?

Come to de cuntry they dus say,
The cuntry they is destroying?
Killing and culling all in the way,
The wildlife they finks is annoying! 
Come to the cuntry they dus declare,
Wiv hoomans and nature at one,
They claims that they dus really care,
But harf of the wildlife is gone.
Cos there's always fings to hunt and trap
And if it's illegal it's just a mishap
That huntsmen they will swear and defend
That this life they took was theirs to end!

Come to the cuntry they dus say,
Let your terriers do run free,
Let them hunt froo out the day,
But who will be hunting me?
I chases sqizzels and sniff out mice,
And I knows I cud catch rats,
But really I is just too nice
To do anyfing more than that!
I dussent haves a poorly mind,
Fankfully I not of hoomankind,
I is forever your little mate
And I dussent have a heart of hate!

So I'll come to the cuntry but as a frend,
Discarding the hooman rools,
Let nature alone make her own amends,
Wivout hoomans being so crool.
Don't teach us to kill and fite,
Our nature dus not behold,
We knows these ways just issent rite,
They not traditions of old!
There's fings that nature tolerates the least,
And there's fings we dus despise,
Oh wen will you see that you is that beast,
Wen will you open your eyes? 


Friday 20 February 2015

When Cats Does Say Good Morning

When cats does say good morning
You need to check the time,
This I do be warning
Cos cats does do the crime!

When cats does do some purrs
You need to be so wary,
Hold tightly to your furs,
Cos cats is very scary!

When cats does do a stare,
You need to turn away,
You got to be aware
That you is their next prey!

When cats does do their claws,
I suggest that you does run,
Cos until they have clawed yours,
Their pruning isn’t done!

When cats does do big blinks,
Still you must take care,
Cos cats does also slinks
And cats does not play fair!

When cats is fast asleep,
Then you can relax,
But one eye you must keep
On all them naughty cats! 

Tuesday 20 January 2015

St. Francis Did Turn To De Lord

St Francis did turn to de Lord
And fanked him such a lot
For all de dogs wud be adored
But ders one we havent got!

De Lord did say you gots all breeds
Wot more is der to do?
Surely dis is all you needs,
Dey all dus loving too?

St. Francis carried on dis tork
And de Lord did lend his ear!
For miles and miles dey bofe did walk,
And den it did appear!

In His mind de Lord did see
Just wot de world dus need,
Sumfing dat forever wud be
De bestest of de bestest breed!

So de Lord did set abowt dis task,
Feeling all de merrier.
And wen St. Francis stopped to ask,
He handed him a Border Terrier!

And dus de bestest breed wos borned! 

You Hoomans Wot Dus Steal Pets

You hoomans wot dus steal pets
Is monsters throo and throo!
But one fing you can always bets
Is sum day we'll find you!

We dus choose our peeple so
Wiv dem we dus belong
And dis is sumfing dat you know
Yet still you dus do rong!

Wot evil dus possess your mind
Wen you do dis monstrous act?
Surpassing all dat is unkind,
You is horrid and dats a fact!

You hoomans wot dus steal pets
And takes dem far away,
Ders one fing you can always bets,
Every dog will have its day!

Yes we will you horrid hoomans wot steal pets!

Wotever shadows shield your hart
Darkening your forts,
However long we is apart,
One day you'll all be cort! 

Hoomans wot dus steal pets is disgusting! 

Sunday 11 January 2015

Je Suis Bert Le Barde

Je Suis Bert le Barde,
Je suis Charlie too;
We is also sickened
By wot sum hoomans do!
We listen to de news
And hear our hoomans cry,
We howls dat we bemused
And also we ask why!

Je Suis Bert le barde,
Je suis Charlie too,
Disgusted and revolted
By wot sum hoomans do!
We finks dey is de bane
Of every preshuss life,
Using religion again, 
Terrorists causing strife!

Je suis Bert le barde,
Je suis Charlie too,
Sumtimes it's very hard
To see de gudness hoomans do!
We is saddened dat you fites
And sum is just so crool,
Destroying your own rites,
Breaking your own rools!

Je suis Bert le barde,
Je suis Charlie too,
Etre solidaires 
Is wot you all must do!
If togevver you unite,
Togevver you stand a chance,
Of acheeving wot is rite,
Vive la France!

#JeSuisCharlie 

Dis Badge Is More Dan A Badge

Dis badge is more dan a badge,
Dis badge is part of me,
Dis badge I proudly wear
Dus says wot I dus be.

Dis badge is more dan a badge,
It's bruvver and sisterhood.
Dis badge wiv love I wear,
Depicting all dat's gud.

Dis badge is more dan a badge,
It's a symbol dat unites,
Dis BT Posse badge,
Representing all dat's rite!

Dis badge is more dan a badge,
Dis badge I wear wiv pride,
And all wot wear dis badge,
Dus forever stand side by side!

I dus loves my badge!